FIRST THE BAD NEWS
WE REMAIN MADLY IN LOVE AND
have decided to continue the marriage and as such, will not be
returning any of the fine gifts to you who so generously gave them.
However, as the rhetorical structure goes, there is also good news.
We absolutely adore what you have so kindly given us. Thank you,
many times thank you. It will most certainly give us a jumpstart on our
initial attempts at adult lives and help us remain that excessively
happy couple you see in picture frames for sale at the grocery store.
by Squibnocket, a card company